Why Won't You Commit, Bro?

Welcome. I am no professional writer, but I do have words. A sweet friend of mine asked if I would share my thoughts on singleness. Not a problem. Here we go.

As a single 25-year-old, of course I desire marriage. I was almost married at 21, and I’ve definitely learned a lot during the past four years. I like to call them the hard and holy years.  

I had the privilege of talking with some of my closest girlfriends last week. These girls are solid. They struggle. They are raw and real. They teach me that it’s ok to be vulnerable. It’s ok to struggle. And it’s actually healthy to wrestle with God. So, why are we in our mid-twenties to mid-thirties and not married?

Here’s why: we refuse to settle. We refuse to believe the lie that we should do what makes us happy – because we will be the minority that lives out hard and holy. Happiness is cheap. Temporary pleasure is cheap. But we still settle for that sometimes, don’t we? A B O U T that hard and holy . . . it is just that:hard. Ann Voskamp says it best:

“The world has enough women who are trying to do it all – spending everything they’ve got to be found in the crowd. It needs more who are doing the only thing that is necessary – spending time at His feet, being found and known by Him.”       

Men and women long for companionship, and we sometimes chase the wrong things. Been there, done that. Still do that. One of my dearest friends put it this way: sometimes we have to create our own black and white reality. If someone isn’t committing to a relationship (white), then there is no relationship there (black), even though reality shows that there is a flirtatious relationship (grey). We have to convince ourselves it is black when really it’s grey, in order to protect our hearts.

As women, we cannot trust a man to fulfill the longing we have for a relationship. No man has the ability to complete us besides the Man Himself. I don’t care what Jerry Maguire says. We fail ourselves and we fail men when we put that kind of pressure on them. We need to prioritize our eternal relationship with our Creator above all things. Way above all things. We won’t be much help to anyone else until we relate properly to God.

Marriage is a beautiful reality, but it is secondary to our spiritual identity as Children of God. Our desire for a life mate shouldn’t be one of desperation. Marriage exists to magnify the glory of God and expand His Kingdom, not to fulfill our selfish desires.  

I’ve seen more and more [Christian] guys commit to video games and beer and sports before they commit to a lady who is passionately pursuing Jesus. Bro, don’t shake your head at me – step up. Grow a pair. “Be doers of the Word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” If there is a lady in your life who lives with eternity in mind, then you get her and you pursue her. There is no need to have life figured out. That’s what women are for anyway – to help. To encourage. To love.

Ladies, we are not excluded. We have a lot of work to do. Sometimes we are the non-committal ones. If we don’t spend our time staring at God, we will stare at lesser things – namely, a relationship. We idolize marriage, let’s be honest. Get out there and make yourself available, but for the love, do not throw yourself at a man. T R U S T  M E. A man you have to chase is no man at all. Real men see a good woman and pursue her...

If you are struggling in a season of singleness, what do you do?

1) You find community. You spend a lot of time with that community – community that will love you in truth. Community that will look to your best needs and point you in that direction. Community doesn’t always make you feel good, but hard and holy doesn’t feel good. It goes beyond that – it is fulfilling.

2) You serve. Nothing brings more joy than to give love away. Find little ways each day to reach out to people and love them. I have found that it really does change the focus of my heart. Instead of missing a relationship, it helps me see the needs of others.

3) You give grace. These three things all go hand-in-hand, but there is nothing more satisfying than showing grace. People are messy. We are A L L messy. Find someone who is struggling and come alongside them. Encourage them.  

One thing that awoke me from my sleep during my crazy wild years was eternity. What am I doing to prepare for that? What are you doing to prepare for that?

The Dominican Republic: How You Can Help

Morning, Guys!

I've talked a lot about the Dominican, but I haven't shared ways you can help. I will list some options for getting involved [if you choose], whether or not you have money. Let me make this clear right now: I put no expectation on you to give. As far as the amount I have to raise, it's very reasonable for the entire summer, and I know *already* that God is going to use my community of people to meet that need. Why wouldn't He use awesome people like you?

Rosleny, the girl I am now sponsoring through school
[I can't wait to hold her like this again soon].

• The first option [my favorite one] is for the people who really want to give, but don't see how that is possible right now. You can invest your time. I would love it if you could send a letter[s], photos, anything inspirational. I love writing and I love reading [letters, that is]. You can send these anytime between now and June 1, 2015. 

Address: P.O. Box 94

Fillmore, IN 46128

• The second option is giving through my GoFundMe Account. I have to raise $2,400 by May, not including my flights. I am doing outside fundraising for that. My GoFundMe page will talk more in depth of why I had the desire to go back to the Dominican. 

• The third option [for now] is praying. I am not a good pray-er, but I know some of you who love it and are so gifted at it. I know God hears the requests of His people. I would love prayer for my heart---that it would continue to be rooted in Him, that material things would lose their significance over Him, that---at the end of the day---Jesus would be my prize, and that my love continues to grow for those who don't know Him.

I am hoping, now, and asking God as I write this that He will use this season to show people how scary but liberating and exhilarating it is to follow Him---to not only know about Him, but know Him.

This was an every day reality for me in the DR.
Couldn't you just die?

I will not fight You, take me past the line that my heart draws

I will not fight You, take me beyond the laziness of my thoughts

I will not fight, lead me further than I've gone before

God, let your dreams come true---dream through us.

-The Rend Collective, Broken Bread

My Big Fat Consumer Life

There I sat on my bedroom floor, reading an article titled '5 Truths the Fast Fashion Industry Doesn't Want You to Know' - and then I almost got sick.

I will be the first to confess that I love clothes. I love shoes. I love jewelry. I love allowing my adorning to be external. I didn't care much for these things just five, six, seven years ago. What has happened? Speaking from deep in my heart, it's fear. Fear of not looking pretty enough. Fear of not impressing people enough. Fear of not feeling good enough. Fear of "Oh my gosh! If I don't buy it now it will be gone!" Oh, you can relate? What I know deep in my heart is this: Jesus is {enough}. The only One who'll ever be enough.

I fight it.

I fight, daily, the desire for more. The desire for pretty things. The desire to mask my insecurities with a false security that drives me straight into the ground. Oh, but the rush - the thrill - of buying that top or those pants that fit perfectly or that necklace that totally makes a face glow. Yes, I fall victim to that rush; that thrill. It's a death trap. The deadly trap of finding comfort in things that die.

The trap of impressing people. The trap of (sigh) fitting in.

Keeping up with all the latest trends is one of the gravest dangers. This trap has so many of us chasing after clothes that fall apart during the third wear, losing our real identity, sacrificing who we are to impress people we don't know. And heaven forbid we wear the same thing too much because {oh my gosh} people may notice. Lord, help us. Help me.

How do we deal with this? How do we change?

"Even now,' declares the Lord, 'return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning. Rend your hearts and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love." (Joel 2:12-13)

If someone were to ask me to describe God in a few short words, it would be: gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. I've witnessed those very things from Him in my own life. God, when we come with our hearts open wide and wholly, is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. No matter what we've done. No matter what we're struggling with. He has the power to break the chains holding us down. Period.

The hands that made you are the hands that can save you. The hands that adore you. The hands that don't see you as a number, but as a soul. The hands that comfort you. Those nail-pierced hands are your source of strength. Those hands have been on this same earth. Those hands get what you're going through. And at the end of the day, no matter what, this is the truth: you are loved.

"If you listen long enough to all the loud voices about who you should be, you grow deaf to the beauty of who you are. The world will say they will love you if you are beautiful - but the truth is you are beautiful because you are loved." -Ann Voskamp

Be your own kind of beautiful.

What is it that's keeping you from returning to God with all your heart? For me, 1) I'm scared because that means a number of things. I might have to give up things I don't want to give up (poor me). I may have to put others before me. I may have to stop going to Starbucks as I please (gulp). I may have to sacrifice my comfort to be led by Comfort Himself, 2) I. AM. A. CONSUMER. I am single and I am a consumer. I have to answer to no one. And that's a scary thought, because, really, I do have to answer to Someone, someday, and His name is Jesus. You ever read 'The Final Judgement' passage in Matthew 25?  I mean. Blank stare. If that doesn't change your life . . .

God loves to refine and transform, and He'll do it when we present ourselves with hearts and hands and love and ears wide open.

I don't preach at you, I want to stretch you. Stretch your thoughts. Stretch your actions. Stretch your heart. Stretch your vision. You've been so intricately created by a Sovereign and Supreme God who wants to use you in the biggest ways for His Glory and His Kingdom. Your story has a purpose. Your very breath breathes purpose.

The scary thing about feeding our wants and desires is that it clouds our purpose. It feeds the desire to be someone we're not. It inserts fear where fearless and free should reign. Run to Him. And, as you run, what hindered love will only become part of the story.

This quote by A.W. Tozer has messed me up, and I hope it will open your eyes to real happiness. Joy.

"The man who has God for His treasure has all things in one. Many ordinary treasures may be denied him, or if he is allowed to have them, the enjoyment of them will be so tempered that they will never be necessary to his happiness. Or if he must see them go, one after one, he will scarcely feel a sense of loss, for having the Source of all things he has in One all satisfaction, all pleasure, all delight. Whatever he may lose he now has it all in One, and he has it purely legitimately and forever." -From the book 'The Pursuit of God' 

The Not-So-Fairytale Life

Hi, friends.

This subject, I hate. And..I love. I've {grown} to love.

Singleness. And why it's important for more than just single people.

I could write a thick book on this topic; my struggles, annoyances, and why I think this is the most important season in a person's life.

It's hard being single. But as I spend a lot of time with married friends, I also see that marriage is not always blissful. Both stages require a deep commitment to one thing or another.

Singleness is a time to seek, to keep seeking, and seek some more. It is a time of transformation. It is finding who you really are. Christian or not, it is a time to discover your purpose.

I will be the first to admit that I have dated so wrong in the past. I have allowed myself to be molded around what the other person does or wants. I've not been confident enough in my identity to own who I was and WHOSE I was. It makes complete sense to me why I am single. It's not punishment. It's not that God is mad at decisions I've made. No, that's not how He rolls. He {knows} the very detail of my heart. He {knows} my deepest thoughts and desires.  Our minds cannot attain, at their highest thought, what God has prepared for those who love Him. Who trust Him with their very life.

Single friends, we cannot become so entangled in this idea, this fairytale, of "marriage" or "family" that it clouds who God is. Isn't it exhausting? We aren't called to enjoy a fairytale, we are called to excel in our purpose. What is our highest calling? "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Do you know how much He desires that? He's jealous for you. Y.O.U. Do you really love Him, or are those just words? They've been words to me for too long. If we {really} want to become like Jesus, then this dreaded single life should be joyful. Oh my gosh, yes, there are hard days. But guess what? The moment you allow the God of the universe to control your thoughts and your decisions, no, things will not get easier. Sanctification is hard. But the moment you chase hard after Jesus' heart, and the moment you become "okay" with this season, and the moment you desire Him more than anything, your world will be purposeful. It will have so much meaning. This is {not} a time of waiting. One of my biggest annoyances that takes the Jesus right outta me is when someone says, "Wait on the Lord, He will send a perfect person when the time is right." Oh really? Duh. We all know that. But singleness is not a season of waiting, it is a season of the most important growing. This season affects so many other seasons. Who you marry, what you do, how you do it, how you raise your children, etc.

And what's the second most important thing? The hardest thing. "Love your neighbor as yourself." That overwhelming commandment. Overwhelming because it seems to demand that I tear the skin off my body and wrap it around another person so that I feel that I am that other person; and all the longings that I have for my own safety and health and success and happiness I now feel for that other person as though he were me. Compassion. One of the hardest things to teach yourself. Authentic compassion is hard and uncomfortable and messy. It requires that you disadvantage yourself so that you can meet and care for the disadvantaged, which really always works out for your advantage. Think big picture. Think eternally. And pour out thanks that you have the ability to be the advantaged, caring for the disadvantaged. Adopt the mind of Christ. Take on His eyes. His heart. And those disadvantaged people? They aren't just disadvantaged people. They, too, have been created by the very same God who formed you and me. How we care for them shows how much we love God. What we do for the lowly, we do for God. What we don't do for the lowly, we don't do for God. When you stand before the Lord, some day, are you going to be called a sheep or a goat? Read Matthew 25.

Now is the time. If you can't pour yourself out for friends, family, orphans, widows, homeless, what makes you think you can do it when you are married? Your spouse will not complete you into an awesome person. You can be awesome RIGHT NOW. The God in you makes you awesome. So, chase your dreams. Be God-struck. Let Him take you into unknown places and rest in knowing that you can trust your fragile life to a Strong Omnipotent and Omnipresent God. When you belong to God, your every identity empowers you to do impossible things.

So, friends, run your race. Go hard. You don't need another human to set your pace. If you can run your own race at the pace God has set before you, then how awesome and how much sweeter it will be when someone comes alongside you and encourages you through this race. Don't lose heart.

You want to know the quickest way to set yourself free? Spend some time in prayer. Get acquainted with the Spirit. Love others. Read The Best Word there is. Don't exhaust yourself by desiring something you may never have. Wouldn't it be a tragedy for the Lord to return and your lamp empty of oil?

Single person, my heart beats harder for you. I know there are tough days. You get to a certain age and all your friends are married + probably starting to have kiddos. I've found it so beneficial and encouraging to find other single friends. Get yourself a community. Find people who relate. Find families that will pour into you and teach you and {show} you that marriage and family are harder than they appear. Learn from people. Be vulnerable. Be teachable.

Remind yourself who you are and whose you are. Your life has so much purpose and meaning. YOU are important. YOU can make a difference. And you are loved beyond your wildest dreams.